11 Ways To Find Yourself

What does it really mean to know yourself? It is a question I have been exploring, consciously and unconsciously for many years. Since beginning my healing journey I have become more closely acquainted with 'who I am', though that in itself sometimes proves to be somewhat confusing as who I am seems to be constantly moving and changing. Ever morphing, ever shedding older layers and versions of myself I have identified with. How is it possible to truly know who we are when we are always changing and evolving?

What took me a while to realise was it's not about who we are, necessarily, but about our soul and its purpose. It's about our essence and what our heart desires in this life. It's about going so deep within ourselves that we realise it has nothing to do with the character and identity we have created or the how-ever-many versions of us that exist or have existed, but who we are on a soul level. What is our soul here for? How can we reach the seat of our soul and find answers to the questions we don't even know exist?

When you are on an illuminated path, and you are committed to 'the work', you will come to experience the painful and difficult task of letting go. Letting go of the version of you that was created out of fear, for safety, and for protection from the world outside. Change isn't easy; our ego hates change. So sometimes, this process of letting go, especially if we don't know what is on the other side of that, is incredibly scary! How do we let go of a life or identity we've known for so long, to welcome in something we don't understand yet? Maybe we do know who we are becoming, but it can still be scary to move forward.

There are things that can help us, tools and systems, to guide us deeper into our being. To help us know our soul and what it's here for, to help us move in the right direction. I sometimes think of myself as a jigsaw puzzle. The parts of me I don't understand yet are missing pieces of the puzzle. Life is like a treasure hunt for those missing pieces. Each experience in life represents a place on the treasure map, each one a key that unlocks the next part of the map. The missing puzzle pieces are not really missing, they are there all along, yet part of evolving through life means that those pieces haven't been found yet. We evolve and grow and get to find them on the way. The tools and ways that helped me uncover those pieces, helped me to really 'see' myself.

Why is this so important? Many of us have spent much of our lives creating walls and holding ourselves back unconsciously. Many of us may have experienced things in the past that were traumatic and continue to affect us to this day without us being aware of it. This creates blind spots that hide the truth. We may also experience physical or mental health issues that hold us back. Taking a look at ourselves and starting to understand who we are and why we are here brings us closer to a life less heavy.

Here are 11 things that have helped me on my journey to understanding myself on a deeper level and becoming more embodied in myself and in life, that could also help you:

1. Shadow Work

Before we can truly inner-stand ourselves, we must shine a light on the parts of us we repress. Our shadows are our greatest teachers. When we consciously and lovingly allow those repressed pieces be seen and heard, we can begin to integrate all parts of us, accepting ourselves fully and as we are.

This isn't easy work. It often involves being confronted by painful emotions that we've fled from for years, or noticing behavioural traits in yourself that we project onto others that we have never seen before. Shame comes to the surface and it’s incredibly uncomfortable. We start to 'see' ourselves in a whole new way, and it takes strength and courage to open our eyes and show love to those shadow parts of us.To actually accept these parts exist rather than pushing them away. The acknowledgement of these parts of us is often all that is needed to create huge shifts in our life. 

This process is continuous and happens at whatever pace is right for you. Everyone's journey is different. There are a plethora of online tools to help you, and journal prompts that can be a great starting point in opening up to this path. The Holistic Psychologist gives a great run down of meeting our shadow in this video. And if you want to start but need some extra support, contact me to find out how we can work together to support you on your journey.

2. Connection / Relationships

At the start of my journey, I noticed how hard it was for me to open up. I had built up walls of protection around my heart and I found it difficult to really connect with others. I couldn't talk about my feelings and I didn't understand my emotions and often repressed them.

The more I committed to the inner work, building self-awareness, being open to healing and slowly allowing some of the walls to come down by feeling my feelings instead of repressing them, I started to attract people into my life that really cared for me, that helped me to continue meeting myself and were supportive of my healing. These new relationships were a reflection of the work I was doing on myself and felt so fulfilling. I felt safe enough to start being more open, and again the more I did this, my external environment continued to reflect the changes I had made within myself. I was receiving more love and joy in my life! I felt the weight of the world slowly slipping off my shoulders. These connections, the community I was building, were all happening because I was courageous enough to start letting go of my pain and letting the light in.

3. Breathwork

About 7 years ago I was recommended a breathwork practice from a friend. I had never heard of it but instantly felt a pull to explore further. I found the Wim Hof method and dove straight in, having the most psychedelic experience without actually taking psychedelic drugs! I was blown away. In my first ever practise I had a huge emotional response. I was sold. I adopted breathwork as one of my go-to practices as not only did it help liberate my heart of old grief and other stuck emotions, it helped me expand my lung capacity, increase my life force energy, and calm my nervous system, among many other benefits.

I explored different methods and ways to utilise the breath and I continue to practise to this day. The breath is something that is always there and literally keeps us alive. I remember years ago having a panic attack and witnessing my shallow breath. I didn't realise it then but looking back it's so clear how nervous system function is so vital, and using the breath to regulate it is one of the most important things we can do for ourselves. And at a deeper level, the breath can represent the art of giving and receiving. For example, if you are unable to bring in enough money to support yourself, take a look at your breath. Breath correction can literally change your life on so many levels! 

Here is one of my favourite, short, guided breathwork exercises to follow. Check out their channel for full sessions if you want to dive deeper.

4. Dance/Movement Exploration

One of the hardest parts for me about getting back into my body, was starting to feel all the old junk that was stored in there. (I highly recommend the book by Bessel Van Der Kolk, 'The Body Keeps The Score'). It was hard because I knew I had to face it and feel it in order for it to leave my body. It was and continues to be uncomfortable, but also the most rewarding of all my practices.

One of the people I met early in my journey was a yoga teacher who I became very good friends with. She started to offer me 1:1 sessions which ended up being truly transformational. She supported me in guiding me deep into the body, teaching me ujjayi breathing and holding a safe space for me to stretch deep into all facets of my body. I learned that by staying with the breath, I was able to journey into the pains instead of running from them, and face them head on. This resulted in a climatic experience of a rush of tears and trauma leaving me. It was another level. I can't describe the feeling fully, but I felt so alive afterwards. I could feel on all levels of my being that I had let go of some really heavy emotional baggage that had lived for years, deep in my body, manifested as aches, pains and ailments.

As I continued with this method I soon learned to hold space for myself and cultivate a home practice, so I could keep letting go, meeting myself and reconnecting with my body after years of disassociation. My stretching and yoga often turned into intuitive movement and dance, as I started to push the boundaries of my body and learn to feel comfortable moving.

I realised that movement, no matter how you define it, is important not only for our physical bodies but for our minds and soul, too. It doesn't matter how you move, just move! One of my favourite things I picked up about a year ago is rope flow. Check it out.

And let us not forget dance. Dancing invokes so much joy. It is so hard to be unhappy whilst dancing to music that lights up your soul! Check out 'Movement is Medicine' who offer online classes using somatic healing practices and dance to get you out of your mind and into the body. I highly recommend a class if you'd like to cultivate this practice.

5. Plant Medicine & Plant Connection

The same friend that helped me with my embodiment practice also introduced me to essential oils and burning resins like Frankincense and Myrrh. Before this point, I just thought they were something that smelled nice. But now I was more connected to myself, I was able to cultivate a connection with the plants that these oils and resins came from and experience deep healing from them. I started to understand they were much more than just a nice smell. They had physical, emotional and spiritual healing qualities and have been used by cultures all over the world as natural medicines for centuries. 

I started working closely with particular oils I felt drawn to, creating blends and using them in my own work - at the time I was an energy healing practitioner and found using them with my clients to have profound effects and support their healing. Over time I started working with flower essences, after being introduced to them through another dear friend, and I started to view the plant kingdom as strong and supportive allies in my healing journey.

I continued to reconnect to nature and plants, and began to draw in opportunities and funny synchronicities to work with some master plants such as Psilocybin (magic mushrooms), Cannabis and Tobacco Medicine (yes that's right, they are sacred plants and great teachers!). I previously had toxic relationships and long addictions to the latter two plants mentioned, and interestingly after healing my addictions with both, they appeared again in my life for me to learn from in a new, more conscious and ceremonial way. Learning the medicine of these plants and how they continue to help me on my journey is profound.

Healing exists in nature. Plants are medicine. They have much to teach us if we care to listen, and reconnecting with plants is also reconnecting with ourselves and our natural essence. If you'd like to learn more about the sacred plant that is Tobacco, you can join the next retreat in the UK led by my friend Anthar Kharana. More info here.

6. Meditation

Meditation, for me, means different things. Sometimes I get my drawing book and some pens and doodle. This puts me in a meditative state. Sometimes music is my meditation. But, when it comes to meditation in the most traditional sense, I have found it to be a powerful tool for self-reflection and understanding the mind and how it works.

In 2019 I attended a Vipassa course. 10 days of silent meditation. For 10 hours a day in a mostly fasted state. It was intense. I had never done anything like it before, and I didn't even really meditate before either. Like many things I do, I felt the call to go, after seeing multiple signs and synchronicities show up in my life, pointing me towards doing it.

It really was one of the most intense 10 days of my life, and I shed so much emotional baggage I felt like I was floating on air when I left, so much so that it was actually quite difficult to integrate back into London life upon my return. I really got to see how my mind worked. And I got to understand what it really meant to be with myself and myself only. I got to see what was underneath all the distractions. No phone, no TV, no internet, no one to talk to. Just me, myself and I. It was scary. And liberating.

I learned the art of mental resilience. Having to sit for hours on end without moving meant I had to understand the reality that everything passes in the end. The pains I could feel would always pass, but my mind was the one creating the most pain and discomfort. I was forced to sit with myself and all the pains I had held for years and train myself in the practice of equanimity. This was no easy feat but it taught me so much about the mind and the power it has over us. I learned so much from myself through meditation. I use meditation now to commune with my higher self, to send love to my inner child, to connect with plants I am working with, and more. If you're new to meditation and don't know where to start, get in touch with me for a 1:1 session.

7. Cold Water

I started to practise cold water therapy around the same time I discovered The Wim Hof method. Teaming a cold shower with breathwork really opened up a new layer of nervous system healing as I trained myself to be able to accept the cold and showed my body it was safe, even when I initially perceived that danger and threat was present.

In 2020 I moved to Brighton on the South Coast of the UK. This is where my cold water adventures really began. I came across a wonderful woman that went into the Sea in all weathers and seasons. I felt inspired and I felt called to do the same. I knew the Sea had much to teach me; it was one of the reasons I left over a decade of London life. I felt her calling me. I knew my life in Brighton would be healing and I knew the Sea played a big part. So I got into contact with the woman and in February 2021, had my first ever freezing cold sea dip. It was intense! The waves were smashing and fierce and I was terrified. I had no time to talk myself out of it as I was pulled by her hand and into the waves. She held me safely as the waves baptised me and attempted to throw me around. It was wild, invigorating, scary, new and healing. I cried. It was such a powerful experience that invoked a deep emotional shedding and I felt so alive afterwards.

And that was it- I was sold. 2 Weeks later, I plucked up the courage and I returned to the Sea to go back in, this time alone. And I did. And it felt amazing. This time the water was still, silent and peaceful. It was still freezing, but I felt held and safe. After that I went in every single week at least once and continued through every single season, and that routine carries on to this day! In the colder months, I stay in for as long as I need to to regulate my breathing. The winter shows me my shadows and helps me with my inner work. The summer comes and it's like a treat for all the hard work I have done in the colder seasons. My nervous system has never received the amount of regulation it has in the last 3 years in my whole life. Game changer!

The Sea has reflected my strength, resilience and power back to me. She's reflected my soft edges, my emotions and my beauty, even when I don't believe it. She's reflected to me my fears, my shadows. She has been one of my biggest teachers.

Side note: Cold water therapy may not be right for you, especially if your body is under stress as this could potentially cause more harm to the system. Tune in with yourself to see whether this feels right for you before diving in.

8. Radical Honesty & Accountability

Getting to really SEE who I am has required radical honesty- to be completely honest about how I feel and accepting the truth of that. For years I learned to hide my feelings, so much so, that I had also hidden them from myself. This de-conditioning process, which is not complete let me say, has been so tough. But vital. Radical honesty allows me to understand myself, what I feel and why I feel the way I do.

Another part of the learning is holding myself accountable for my thoughts, behaviours and actions. So much of my life I have spent projecting my unfelt emotions onto others, or playing the victim; everyone else was to blame for what I didn't like about myself or my life, but not once did I stop and look at my part in it all.

I started to learn about accountability. How my thoughts, feelings and actions played a part in my external world and how I experienced life. When I started to hold myself accountable, with the radical honesty about how I felt, life started to make so much more sense.

And it was uncomfortable, don't get me wrong. It still is, as I continue to be honest with myself when and where I can. But it has empowered me in a way that I can now be the creator of my reality rather than allowing my unconscious thoughts and emotions run the shop. And to not project onto others, or at least minimise this by looking deep into my behaviours and learning from them. It is not always pretty what you find when you look within. But this is where the gold is. This is where we can alchemise and grow.

9. Human Design

One of my favourite tools EVER! My life has really changed since I learned my Human Design and started applying it to my life.

Human Design brings together principles from ancient systems such as Astrology, the I-Ching and quantum physics to indicate your unique makeup as an individual- your energy type, how best to make decisions and key themes, archetypes and energies that run through your chart and show up in your life in different ways. It's a map, a blueprint to serve you in knowing how best to manage your energy and how to show up in the world. It reveals your genetic design and practically shows you how to access your body's wisdom and consciousness in order to live in alignment with your true self.

I was introduced to Human Design by a few different people but it was only when I took a course made by my dear friend that I really started to understand the power of using my Human Design blueprint and what it meant for my life. I had no idea how to read my chart before taking the course but now have so much insight that resonates deeply, it's something I revisit often. Having a reading from a Human Design Coach was also a game changer for me.

When applied to my life, I was able to course correct the way that I choose and make decisions from the small stuff like what to eat, to the bigger stuff in life. It was and still is fascinating to learn how to use my energy and prioritise what lights me up in a way that brings me closer in alignment with my truth and soul purpose, knowing and understanding myself on a deeper level and being able to invite more joy into my life because of this. Get your free chart here and if you want to go deeper, check out the course above or book a HD reading here.

10. Kundalini Yoga

I have explored different styles of yoga but the one style that resonates with me the most is Kundalini Yoga. This type of practice is a more spiritual style and uses a combination of breathwork, kriyas, mantras, mudras and meditations to encourage an awakening of energy located at the base of the spine, within the body and system.

For me this practice revitalises me; it tends to my energy body in such a way that I don't feel with other styles of yoga. It creates a lightness within me and a sense of union and connection within my heart when practised regularly.

A couple of years ago when I was going through a tough breakup, I happened upon a 'Kundalini Challenge' or a 40 day practice that anchors in the benefits of a specific Kriya that is done every day for 40 days. I had never done anything like this for 40 days straight before but let me tell you. It helped me so much through one of the hardest times. This practice carried me through it with strength and cultivated the energy I really needed at that time. Check out Life Force Academy if you are interested in learning more.

11. Compassion

Last but by no means least, compassion. This is a BIG one. Sometimes we berate and bully ourselves for not doing enough, or not being enough, for not knowing enough or for whatever reason. This keeps us in loops and cycles of shame and guilt and all those other states that prevent us from moving forward.

I spent so long (and still sometimes have to remind myself to let go) bullying myself. Talking to myself like shit, quite frankly, that one day, I remember clearly, I heard someone say, 'would you talk to your best friend the way you talk to yourself in your head', and I thought,  NO WAY! I would NEVER speak to anyone like that, so WHY am I speaking like this to me? What have I done to deserve this kind of talk? Furthermore, I would hate for someone else to talk like this to me too and so this moment really helped me to understand that how we talk about and to ourselves is EVERYTHING. How can we move forward and heal, de-condition, rewrite old narratives and create new neural pathways in the brain if we continue to show ourselves a complete lack of compassion for who we are and where we are on our journey?

It takes strength and persistence to override the stories we've told ourselves or been told by others over the years, that have caused us to believe we aren't worthy enough of our own love, support and compassion. But it is the only way we can truly up-level. We MUST be kind and compassionate to ourselves because we are learning as we go. There is nothing wrong with us. We deserve love and compassion. We deserve to be spoken nicely to. We are enough and we are worthy!

I hope some of this info has been helpful for you. Be discerning; don't take my suggestions in blind faith, but do check in with your body, find what feels good, and most importantly, trust in yourself.